HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i think im in europe. pls send help
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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