Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you would pick up someone in the library
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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