there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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