there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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