im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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