bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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