My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
