Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
