Are we in a gay sports bar?
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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