how can u be prego again
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
