I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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