I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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