boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
