I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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