I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
