just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm way too hungover for life right now
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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