You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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