First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
