Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
