this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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