He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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