"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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