I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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