Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
