NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
