My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
