she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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