Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
