the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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