I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
