I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
