i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
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