I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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