umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
