I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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