I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
