The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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