we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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