I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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