we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
