I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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