I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
