Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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