She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
