Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
