It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
