At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
