What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
