I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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