if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
