This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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