I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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