how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
