his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
