I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
