You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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