we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
