he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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