there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
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I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
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You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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