Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
