Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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