i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
honey bunches of taint.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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