Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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