And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
