I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
